i realized that my plan to rent myself out to single men is limiting my customer base and as any economist will tell you that is silly unless you are a dot com in which case here have a suitcase of cash. anyway i should be renting myself out to single women as well. imagine that there is this creepy guy at work who hits on you and will not take no for an answer, you rent me and we go to work and you swing me around and play with me next to his office or cube or whatever. he will think you have a kid and will run away from you. if he is too persistent and asks something like ‘i did not know you have a kid’ you can say ‘oh no this is not my kid but i love kids and cannot wait to have three or four of them with the man of my dreams, of course he will stay home with them, here do you want to hold him, his name is eli’ and you will hand me to him and i will smile and then spit up on him.
if that does not work i will also give him cold germs.