Comments on: Again with the Parenting

By: Misty

Misty — Thu, 08 Mar 2007 20:07:09 +0000

Thanks to all of you for your positive comments and to those who’ve sent me emails as well. We had a great day yesterday and he did MUCH better at school today so you know, maybe it was just the wind messing him up the other day.

By: Joyous

Joyous — Thu, 08 Mar 2007 17:36:52 +0000

Oh, and re: spanking: I was spanked and feel it did me no harm. Frankly, I was a mouthy kid sometimes, and probably needed a couple swats to keep me in line. Aaron, OTOH, was apparently all sweetness and light as a kid (some things don’t change, apparently!) and never got a spanking. Again with the “every kid is different” thing. Who’s to say?

By: Joyous

Joyous — Thu, 08 Mar 2007 17:35:00 +0000

Forgive me if this sounds silly, but really, I don’t see how you could possibly NOT be spending enough time with Eli. You’re a stay-at-home mom, which is pretty much defined by spending time w/ your kids.

I do understand the struggle between “this is normal” and “we want to keep him civilized,” esp with school! So much childhood behavior is “normal,” but still damn hard to live with–and what’s a phase to one kid can turn into a lifelong struggle with another. It’s such an utter tossup, and believe me, I worry about this kind of thing too, even for my hypthetical kid!

By: Geof F. Morris

Geof F. Morris — Thu, 08 Mar 2007 04:27:09 +0000

I am single, the younger child, and was pretty much the youngest cousin, so I’ve got nothing for you but some prayer and a sympathetic ear.

By: duchess

duchess — Thu, 08 Mar 2007 02:31:08 +0000

I’ve heard a phrase … the terrible twos lead to the horrible threes.

Maybe Eli is just continuing to push boundaries…?

By: Pop

Pop — Wed, 07 Mar 2007 21:11:04 +0000

I think that sometimes spanking DOES work; that depends on the child. You clearly have to figure out what works for each given child (in the words of May’s favorite psychiatrist, the child’s currency–which may change over time). Also, I would urge you to think of the difference between punishment and rehabilitation: the 1st has no learning attached, the 2nd does. You obviously want him to learn something and to modify his behavior. Also, I would urge you to remember that children don’t compare in the broadest sense. They don’t know how others live, and what they have is normal for them. It’s not until much later that we figure out about our own childhoods–particularly when we’re thinking of parenting children of our own. With rare exceptions, I think children adapt to the amount of time parents give them, for example, as long as there is clearly identifiable time that just with them (this comes from an only child, so don’t bank it!). Lastly, I’d urge you to remember that as articulate as Eli is, he’s still only 3; he hasn’t the word power for some of what he wants to say, and can only act out what he feels. And yes, I’ll confess that the ability to focus intensely and shut out the rest of the world’s definitely a Granade trait!

By: Ashley

Ashley — Wed, 07 Mar 2007 20:20:10 +0000

My best guess would be that Eli is simply trying to redefine boundaries. Kids are always pushing to see how far they can go with whatever adult is in charge. He can probably sense that things are changing but just doesn’t know how to properly express his anxiety or frustration about them. Up until this point, (from what I’ve seen) he’s been a pretty laid back kid. He’s never had a problem listening to you guys or to his Nanny. He may just be trying to assert some independence and test his boundries. He’ll probably back off once he sees the boundries and consequences are clear and unmoving.

He may also be getting into that “it’s not cool to listen to my parents or usual caregivers” at this point. I know he still responds well to me, but then again I don’t see him as much as his teachers or you guys do.

I would try not to worry about it too much. His brain is just going through a growth spurt You guys are wonderful parents and I really have a hard time believing that you don’t spend enough time with him.

Sorry for the book or if I seem overly preachy on anything. (I’m just writing it down so I can remember it when Emily hits 3 Bottom line: just go with your gut and you’ll figure out the balance you need.

By: Jon from ifMUD

Jon from ifMUD — Wed, 07 Mar 2007 19:45:38 +0000

I think spanking can be valuable, but that Eli is possibly a bit too young for it to have a good/useful effect. I remember one time when I was about six, I was due for a spanking, but I kicked and wriggled my way out of my dad’s grip and made a run for it, and I got away because I figure he didn’t think it would be productive to chase me down. So of course the next time I got a spanking, I kicked and wriggled again. No dice; he held on a lot better that time. That incident taught me “You can’t run from consequences” more than anything else I can remember happening to me.

By: May

May — Wed, 07 Mar 2007 19:21:51 +0000

The two most important points about disciplining children is first you and Stephen agree on what manner of discipline you will use and second, you stay consistent all the time. Is this hard, you bet. As to spanking, you know I am not in favor of spanking at all. It achieves nothing.