Age has convinced me that we begin believing in our peculiarity (call it selfishness, self-centeredness, ego-centrism, or just narcissism) and mature (if we do) to a more holistic view of the world in which we see more of the similarities and count them more important. Men and women have physical and psychological differences, for example, but they are more similar than different. Emphasizing similarities smooths life’s roughness for everyone.

As to the original issue, my own experience is that anger is a symptom of personal hurt rather than the moral indignation I would prefer, since it would convey to me the moral high ground. I consider myself something of a rationalist, but my experience tells me that I’m something of a mystic instead. Although those who know remind me that I’m strong-willed, and although May’s favorite psychologist says that these things are choices, I’ve never found willpower adequate to produce the kind of change I seek. As a Christian, I’m still trying to learn the fullness of the angels’ oft-repeated injunction “Fear not” and John’s observation that “perfect love casts out fear.” I’ve not made it yet. But when I’m most successful, I find that it’s more the work of the Holy Spirit, the promised Comforter, than it is willpower. But I find that generally I resist those ministrations because I’m really more comfortable as I am and don’t really WANT to change, however much I SAY I do. I’m still immature and selfish enough that I fear He will ask me to do something I don’t want to do, the thing that’s farthest from my desire. Even when I can see that I’m better off surrendering to the love instead of wallowing in the anger and make the change, I have a hard time remembering that lesson and how much better life was. That’s why I daily find myself confessing sins and asking forgiveness and the grace to live a better life in particular areas so that I can be a better witness to God and His power. Each morning I get up ready to change, and every day my selfishness and pride get in the way so that by nightfall I have to confess again. But over time, God’s grace provides progress and incremental change. My temper isn’t nearly what it was when I was younger, for example! So for me, Christianity offers a chance to deal successfully with the things I want to change–though it also threatens to change things with which I’m more comfortable (but also need to change). It provides a focus external to myself and commandments to view others as kin, not judge others, and hate the sin but love the sinner. In short, it asks me to make the lives around me better rather than always asking only “what’s in it for me.” Amazingly, when I can do that, mine’s better as well. Guess that’s what’s the seeming riddle that those who would find their lives must lose them is all about.