Timeline of the Launch of Grump 1

7:48 P.M. Eli goes to bed.
8:01 P.M. Misty rocks Liza in preparation for getting her to sleep.
8:05 P.M. Eli comes out. “I need a snack,” he says, rubbing his stomach. Stephen explains that Eli does not need a snack, and besides, even if he did, he should have eaten his dinner, before leading him back to bed.
8:17 P.M. Stephen goes to the bathroom.
8:18 P.M. Stephen is surprised in the bathroom by Eli coming in. He scrambles to finish up.
8:19 P.M. Eli goes back to bed trailing Stephen’s sterner explanation that Eli should stay asleep.
10:10 P.M. Misty and Stephen go to bed. Before falling asleep, they agree to read for five minutes.
11:01 P.M. Stephen finally stops reading and falls asleep.
4:59 A.M. Liza begins crying. “Couldn’t she have waited another hour?” Misty laments before getting up to feed her.
5:14 A.M. Half-asleep, Stephen hears the soft scrape of blanket across carpet and looks up to see Eli in the bedroom, clutching his space blanket. “Look how light it is!” he says. Stephen vehemently disagrees and leads him back to bed.
5:19 A.M. Stephen thinks, “I really can’t sleep for much longer. I’d better fall back asleep right now.”
5:22 A.M. Stephen thinks, “Right, now I’ll fall asleep.”
5:23 A.M. Stephen thinks, “What about now?”
5:23:05 A.M. Stephen thinks, “Now?”
5:29 A.M. Misty returns to bed, startling Stephen out of his light doze.
5:36 A.M. Eli comes back as well. Misty allows him to climb up in the bed and stay as long as he will be still.
5:37 A.M. Eli fidgets.
5:38 A.M. Eli fidgets.
5:39 A.M. Eli fidgets.
5:40 A.M. Eli fidgets.
5:48 A.M. In a break from Eli fidgeting, Liza snuffles loudly in her sleep.
5:50 A.M. Stephen gets out of bed.

10 thoughts on “Timeline of the Launch of Grump 1

  1. Replace Eli with our dogs either scratching at the blinds or licking my hands to wake me up and that sounds very much like our nights. Our dogs even complain to us that they need a snack at night, even though they ate their dinners. Of course, when our dogs complain, we can just throw them outside; that would not work as well with Eli.

  2. Travon does the same thing. I’m not sure what it is with boys. Laurie has sent him back to bed before, but he still manages to crawl in. I’m thinking about starting to lock the door…

  3. so so so so spot on.
    The only difference I see here is that I spend a fair amount of time trying to steer through or dissuade my toddler’s diversions, which will go on as late as there’s a response back. These mainly take place from his bed to wherever we are within earshot (which is everywhere in our house) in an effort to keep us engaged/stay awake:

    ‘I can’t sleep alone’
    ‘My car was thirsty’ (from the bathroom)
    ‘Let’s do something you’d like to do tomorrow’ – hard not to reply to this one.
    ‘my pillow is too hot’
    ‘let’s talk about our day’
    ‘Can I have a butterbread?’
    ‘what should we do tomorrow?’
    ‘but I thought we were going to read two stories’


  4. What kind of roll maneuver did Grump 1 execute? What was its final orbit? Did it have materials exposed to atomic oxygen effects? Were said materials in the wake of the spacecraft?

    [Feel free to punch me in the face at any time, Stephen.]

  5. Replace Eli with two cats really wanting to be near you at every moment of the night because they’re afraid you’ll disappear again and you’ve got what I deal with every time I come home from a trip for at least the following week.

  6. We have three boys. Oldest (11) invariably waits until after the “Bedtime!” announcement to complain that he is hungry. Then he claims fear of the dark, and tries to read all night. Middle Son (7) does not understand – after repeated explanations – that he may NOT watch a video before bed on a school night. Middle Son is also the one who claims he has to pee like an elderly man – every 15 minutes or so. Youngest (6) wants to climb in bed with me. Or with the dog. Or wrapped in his Spiderman blanket in the hallway in front of my bedroom (wassup with that?).

    Of course, this doesn’t happen as often when Hubby is at home (which he rarely is during the week). When Dad’s home, the boys just get up about 5:00am asking to play on the PlayStation. But they won’t get out of bed on school days without much shouting and gnashing of teeth.

    The point being: I feel your pain (even with the lack of infant feeding). And Limax is right – it doesn’t get easier. But at least it can be funny!

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