Day Five of Being Ill

I haven’t had a bad bout of fever in a while, the kind that would leave me shaking, but I am still weak, tire easily, and my head is so stuffed I’m surprised it doesn’t float away and leave the rest of me behind. My entire body feels disturbing and alien, which will happen to you when tiny bits of foreign DNA try to take you over. I need a good metaphor for how odd I feel right now.

I know, let’s talk about Carrot Top. He’s the red-headed prop comedian who looks like a mutant version of the Wendy’s mascot and who rose to national prominence in the 1990s, back when Pauly Shores roamed the earth.

Have you seen a recent picture of him?

Carrot Top in a tanktop

I know what you’re thinking. “That can’t be Carrot Top. He was this freakishly skinny kid! Clearly that’s an example of HIS HED IZ PASTEDE ON YAY. He can’t look like–”

Carrot Top lifting weights

How you felt just now is how I’ve felt for five days.



  1. on February 25, 2008 at 5:35 pm | Permalink

    Ehh, I’m desensitized to that, because I’ve seen him like that already. [His ‘roids dealer must have a killer car.]

  2. kat
    on February 25, 2008 at 10:02 pm | Permalink

    I’ve been traumatized for life. I know you feel sick, but we could have just wished you better without you having to get all mean and show us freaky pictures like that…
    Since I’m a nice person, though, I’ll still wish you better. Hope you continue getting better!

  3. on February 26, 2008 at 9:42 am | Permalink

    Hope you get to feeling better!

    I’m not feeling so well myself now, ‘Ol Carrot Top made me throw up in my mouth a little bit. Please excuse me.

  4. on February 28, 2008 at 4:44 pm | Permalink

    Uhh…I thought I DID throw up on my monitor.

    Nope. Just photos of carrot top. Stupid Internet.