I like my coffee like I like my women: in a plastic cup.

I like my coffee like I like my men: rich, strong, and hot.

I like my coffee like I like my men: tied up on the back of a mule led by Juan Valdez.

I like my coffee like I like my exes: finely ground and dark-roasted.

I like my coffee like I like my emotional crises: bittersweet.

I like my coffee like I like my comedy: black and full-flavored.

I like my coffee like I like my hair: black and in excess.

I like my coffee like I like my workplaces: cold and corporate.

I like my coffee like I like my news: white and bitter.

I like my coffee like I like my first person shooters: covered in bees.