Driving With No Permit

Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday night, Misty went gallivating about and left me alone with Eli. No one but me to watch over him, take care of him, bathe him and put him to bed.

I’ve done this plenty of times, but each time I feel like I’m staring at the innards of a bomb, one of those movie bombs with the bright red digital display and loud ticking. There are all these wires and I’m supposed to cut one, but I don’t know which one to cut. And Jack Bauer has a gun to my head.

Thankfully, I have a secret weapon: SHOULDERS. Eli will get fussy and I will say, “Shoulders?” while cocking one eyebrown into the air. Immediately Eli is excited, turning around so I can put him on my shoulders and go stomping about the house.

Each time I keep him I think, this is the time that I’ll feel like I know what I’m doing. So far, that hasn’t happened. I need some kind of manual. I can’t believe people let me take care of this person even though I don’t have a clue about what I’m doing.

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10 Comments

  1. on March 14, 2006 at 8:40 am | Permalink

    Each time I keep him I think, this is the time that I’ll feel like I know what I’m doing. So far, that hasn’t happened. I need some kind of manual. I can’t believe people let me take care of this person even though I don’t have a clue about what I’m doing.

    And I was hoping that feeling would eventually go away.

  2. on March 14, 2006 at 9:35 am | Permalink

    Every morning, I get up, look at this little person, and wonder if this is the day the Sims-Social-Worker will take him away because I don’t have a clue as to what I am doing.

    I need to tell myself life is not the Sims.

  3. on March 14, 2006 at 3:49 pm | Permalink

    Far be it from the single guy to comment here, but … you know a hell of a lot more about it than I do!

  4. on March 14, 2006 at 5:12 pm | Permalink

    Just amused by the idea of your shoulders as a secret weapon. That’s all. 🙂

  5. on March 14, 2006 at 10:40 pm | Permalink

    I’m still not entirely over that feeling.

    Isn’t that comforting!

  6. on March 14, 2006 at 10:40 pm | Permalink

    Dude, you can totally come visit and learn more!

  7. on March 14, 2006 at 10:41 pm | Permalink

    It’s a good thing that we have a strategic reserve of shoulders in case of a shortage. The warehouse where the reserve is kept is filled with football pads and epaulettes.

  8. anonymous
    on March 15, 2006 at 1:09 am | Permalink

    Then there’s that whole thing of cocking an eyebrown. Does this work for eyeblues and eyegreens, too? 😉

  9. on March 15, 2006 at 1:10 am | Permalink

    Sorry, that was me. I’m using Aaron’s laptop and forgot to log in. ;P

  10. anonymous
    on March 17, 2006 at 9:05 pm | Permalink

    It will ever be thus. When you were about 1, I took you to my office “just to pick something up.” You stood in the chair at my typing desk and started banging on the typewriter, only to have the adjustable shelf collapse and precipitate you, headfirst, onto the floor-bound typewriter. Your head split open; I made a mad dash to you, swept you up, held you, fumbled my handkerchief out and onto your quickly reddening head; locked the door and closed it; ran downstairs to my truck; got my truck keys out, the door open, us in and the truck started; held you and steered with one hand while shifting with the other, careening through the streets toward the hospital with your screaming supplying the siren. We made it to the emergency room and the doctor stitched you up and you survived. But I was never sane after that. I’m STILL waiting for the law to arrest me for child endangerment, if not something worse. Of course, for a parent, there IS no worse. We ALWAYS feel that we’re only one step ahead of the law, or disaster. And, in my case, I was NO steps ahead of your mother, who took a long time to trust me with you alone!

    Dad

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