Soy Considered Harmful

I was frightened last night to learn that soy saps our precious bodily fluids and turns our manly boys into limp-wristed pantywaist homosexuals. There’s been some editing to the article since I saw it last night: originally the title was “A devil food is turning our kids into homosexuals.”

It’s since been changed to “Soy is making kids ‘gay’,” which is at least more readable if no less ridiculous. Still, I’m a parent now. I can’t take the chance that I’ll give Eli the gay. Sorry, dad, you can’t have soy milk the next time you come.