Soy Considered Harmful

I was frightened last night to learn that soy saps our precious bodily fluids and turns our manly boys into limp-wristed pantywaist homosexuals. There’s been some editing to the article since I saw it last night: originally the title was “A devil food is turning our kids into homosexuals.”

It’s since been changed to “Soy is making kids ‘gay’,” which is at least more readable if no less ridiculous. Still, I’m a parent now. I can’t take the chance that I’ll give Eli the gay. Sorry, dad, you can’t have soy milk the next time you come.

11 thoughts on “Soy Considered Harmful

  1. The Chinese (not to exclude ALL Southeast Asians and the Japanese) must also have a HUGE closet! Maybe that explains sumo wrestlers! Thanks, Stephen, for saving me from myself. I was wondering why my beard was thinning, my interest in art increasing, and my interst in….nope, better not finish that sentence.


  2. It’s amazing how these people don’t see how they’re satirizing themselves–this reads like an Onion article.

    I especially love all the references to “research” with no citations of any kind.

  3. Wow. Brett was allergic to milk as a child and given, you guessed it, the poison milk. Now I know why he’s willing to wash dishes and doesn’t really like sports. He still can’t pick clothes that match, so I guess soy can’t change everything.

  4. It seems to me that this is the same problem we had with eggs. They were GOOD! Then they were BAD! And now after several years, they are GOOD! again but only in moderation. Same with coffee. Same with alcohol.

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