Vidal Sassoon Should Sue

Let me not indulge in false modesty. I have amazing hair.

A picture of Liza and her fabulous hair

I easily have the hair of a woman twice my age. People cannot keep their hands off of it. They tousle it. They pet it. They say, “Liza, you have such beautiful hair. How do you get it to be so full, so shiny, so full of bounce and life?”

Another picture of Liza and her fabulous hair.

Usually I smile and coo, never divulging my secrets. But you, internet, all of you are my true friends. For you, I will tell you.

Banana.

A picture of Liza with banana in her hair.

Chunks of banana rubbed into your hair twice daily will provide necessary nutrients, and impart a shine to it that can be had no other way. Let it sit, so that your split ends and over-processed strands can soak up what it needs to be beautiful. Before you leave the house, wash it out of your hair to avoid the amorous attention of fruit bats.

Liza with more banana in her hair.

5 thoughts on “Vidal Sassoon Should Sue

  1. This should be one of those funny emails that everyone on God’s green earth pass around for the next 10 years, and I said so much to my family members when I called and said, “Go look at granades.com!”

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