Monthly Archives: July 2009

Banging His Tiny Shoe on the Table

As Eli has gotten older, he’s learned that he can’t always get what he wants. This has led to him developing new strategies to try to get his way. He cajoles. He whines. He argues. He suggests. But best of all, he issues threats.

What’s great is that he hasn’t yet learned that his threat should be something that the other person doesn’t want to happen. Sometimes Liza will be playing with a toy Eli wants, so he’ll shout, “If you don’t give me that toy right now, I’m leaving!” Other common threats include “I’m going to stop talking!” and the ever-popular “I won’t give you this toy that you don’t care about!”

The best, though, was this morning. He and Liza were on our bed rolling around when I heard Eli say, “Liza, if you don’t, I’m not going to put my foot in your face!”

Gun Sold Separately

We were in Kroger at midnight picking up supplies for tomorrow’s breakfast when my friend Jess saw the following on an endcap:

Old Yeller dog food

Now, it’s been a while since I’ve owned a dog, but given what happens in the story, would you really want to feed this to your beloved pet?

So Much for Updating!

Both my home and work computers decided to go blooey over the weekend, so I’ll be spending my evenings’ spare time trying to resurrect them. So it’ll be light posting from me for the foreseeable future. And no, I’m certainly not spending all of my time playing Bioshock. What a silly idea!

Fourth of July Snapshots

We ended our Fourth of July vacation as we began it: driving in the car. We were half-way between Little Rock and Memphis, an area slightly less populated than the middle of Wyoming. As we sailed past the only rest stop in miles and miles, Liza sang out, “I’m stinky!”

Misty confirmed that, yes, her diaper needed changing. “Look at my poop hands!” Liza said, displaying her mighty poop hands while I looked for the next exit. About three years later I found one and pulled off the interstate. The only place to change her was on a gravel road leading to a field.

We plopped her on the side of the road and performed our best Bo-and-Luke-Duke fast-change routine. We were partway through when I looked up at a tractor that was patiently waiting to drive into the field. We finished up and got in the car. “That’s a John Deere tractor!” Eli said as we drove away.

That wasn’t the most surreal vacation moment. The most surreal moment came during lunch on Saturday. We were following the American tradition of having sushi for the Fourth of July. Liza was tearing through a cucumber roll while Eli picked daintily at his peanut butter and jelly sandwich. The restaurant’s TVs were showing ESPN, which was carrying the Nathan’s hot dog eating contest.

Have you ever watched this thing? It’s like a train wreck involving pallets of Wonder Bread and the wienermobile. At one point I stared at contestant Joey Chesnut, whose mouth was encrusted with bits of hot dog bun as if starring in a porn movie sponsored by the Food Network, and wasn’t sure I could finish my meal.

So in conclusion: USA! USA! USA!