The Light! The Light!

We live near the eastern edge of the US’s Central Time Zone, which means we get light earlier in the morning. I’m sure it has something to do with relativity and perhaps warp drives. The upshot is that, in the summer, sunrise occurs at 5:30 in the morning.

Eli and Liza care nothing for arbitrary time zones. They’re on local solar time. When the sun rises, they get up. I know some of you don’t have children, so let me put this in a more familiar context for you.

Wandering Toddler Table

Before going to bed, roll percentage dice and consult this table to determine what encounter you will have in the early morning.

d% Encounter
01-20 At 6:00 Eli comes in to show you his latest Lego creation before going back to his room. You are Awake; saving throw before your 6:20 alarm ends.
21-40 Liza knocks on the wall to let you know she’s awake. Pass a DC 15 Bluff or Intimidation skill check to convince her to go back to sleep for a while.
41-60 Eli gets up and goes to the bathroom. When he returns to his room, he shuts his door loudly and wakes you up. You are Awake; save ends.
61-80 Eli pads quietly into your room multiple times. Each time he walks in, pauses, and then leaves. Each time you wake up. The fourth time, when you ask him what he’s doing, he says, “I’m seeing what time it is on your clock.”
81-90 You wake up to discover that Eli is staring at you in a very “Children of the Corn” manner. Suffer a surprise round, during which Eli will say, “Dad. Dad. Dad. Are you awake?”
91-99 Eli gets up and goes to the bathroom. When he returns to his room, he shuts his door loudly and wakes Liza up. Liza begins knocking on the wall. You are Awake; no saving throw permitted.
00 The sun goes supernova. You’re dead, but at least you got your sleep.

14 thoughts on “The Light! The Light!

  1. ha ha ha sigh.
    K is currently working on the transition from 2 naps to 1, and he wakes up at 5am. With the blackout curtains, it’s still dark in there, but he’s up and he’s singin’ loud. And since he shares a room with Z, we try to shush him to get him to back to sleep and not wake up his brother. By 5:30 he is singing Twinkle Twinkle Little Star at the top of his lungs, and by 6, Z has decided there’s no point in trying to sleep. We’ve been doing all sorts of things to trick K in to sleeping a little longer, and we finally got to 5:30, when it’s beginning to get light so there’s no way to convince him to go back to sleep. Clearly I need to just accept that this is solar time, and just pray for winter to come soon.

    The mental image of Liza knocking on the wall made me laugh.

  2. And yet, I had to spend 10 minutes convincing Emily that it was time to wake up (at 7am!) for the past two mornings. Of course, no naps and a post-8pm bedtime helps with that some.

  3. Ha! Love it. Ari is a wall knocker as well. Although, since we have to wake him up at 5:45 for school nowadays, he’s usually still asleep when we get in his room in the morning. I just wish he would sleep on the weekends and not automatically get up at 5:45 on his own.

  4. Jeff and I ended up having an interesting conversation last night about what you wrote. I’m not sure what this says about either of the houses we grew up in, but we both read over what you said and had the same reaction: none of these behaviors would have been tolerated in either his parents’ house or mine; I know there would have been punishment involved had I done any of these things, even once. The parental bedroom (and by proxy the bathroom attached to it) was strictly off-limits. The only time I remember going in that bedroom to wake up a parent was when I was around nine, and I’d gotten sick in the middle of the night and needed some help.

    It’s hard to know what to make of this. Did parenting styles change between then and now? Were our parents incredibly strict? I’m not sure.

  5. For me, my parents’ bedroom wasn’t that big, and we did all of our real living in other rooms of the house. My parents generally went to bed after we did and got up before us, so there wasn’t much call for us to be running around in there.

    In our house, the master bedroom is rather ridiculously large, as is the bathroom, so it’s common for Eli and Liza to come play in the bathroom in the morning while I’m shaving my head and getting ready for work.

    Plus I’m a big ol’ softie.

  6. I loved reading this! THat has been our mornings. Lately, Simon has gotten stealthier (and older), so he is much more likely to come in, crawl into our bed, and fail HIS save an fall asleep.

    It helps that he doesn’t turn sideways and kick anymore. (usually.)

  7. Me and Tomb are lucky to have very self-sufficient kids who make their own breakfast and watch TV till we wake up. Yay for Roo and Iz. 😉

  8. Oh, lordie… I have no kids and am laughing so hard my sides hurt. Turned to free feeding the critters years ago to end the feline equivalent of the Wandering Toddler game. 🙂

Comments are closed.