{"id":1284,"date":"2008-02-25T10:48:42","date_gmt":"2008-02-25T16:48:42","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/granades.com\/2008\/02\/25\/day-five-of-being-ill\/"},"modified":"2008-02-25T10:48:42","modified_gmt":"2008-02-25T16:48:42","slug":"day-five-of-being-ill","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/granades.com\/?p=1284","title":{"rendered":"Day Five of Being Ill"},"content":{"rendered":"

I haven’t had a bad bout of fever in a while, the kind that would leave me shaking, but I am still weak, tire easily, and my head is so stuffed I’m surprised it doesn’t float away and leave the rest of me behind. My entire body feels disturbing and alien, which will happen to you when tiny bits of foreign DNA try to take you over. I need a good metaphor for how odd I feel right now.<\/p>\n

I know, let’s talk about Carrot Top. He’s the red-headed prop comedian who looks like a mutant version of the Wendy’s mascot and who rose to national prominence in the 1990s, back when Pauly Shores roamed the earth.<\/p>\n

Have you seen a recent picture of him?<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

Carrot Top in a tanktop<\/p>\n

I know what you’re thinking. “That can’t be Carrot Top. He was this freakishly skinny kid! Clearly that’s an example of HIS HED IZ PASTEDE ON YAY. He can’t<\/i> look like–”<\/p>\n

Carrot Top lifting weights<\/p>\n

How you felt just now is how I’ve felt for five days<\/i>.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

I haven’t had a bad bout of fever in a while, the kind that would leave me shaking, but I am still weak, tire easily, and my head is so stuffed I’m surprised it doesn’t float away and leave the rest of me behind. My entire body feels disturbing and alien, which will happen to … Continue reading Day Five of Being Ill<\/span> →<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"om_disable_all_campaigns":false,"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-1284","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry"],"aioseo_notices":[],"aioseo_head":"\n\t\t\n\t\n\t\n\t\n\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t