{"id":1342,"date":"2008-03-27T20:23:41","date_gmt":"2008-03-28T01:23:41","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/granades.com\/2008\/03\/27\/here-is-the-lame-youve-been-waiting-for\/"},"modified":"2008-03-27T20:23:41","modified_gmt":"2008-03-28T01:23:41","slug":"here-is-the-lame-youve-been-waiting-for","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/granades.com\/?p=1342","title":{"rendered":"Here is the Lame You’ve Been Waiting For"},"content":{"rendered":"

Here’s the old vacuum:
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\nStephen wanted it to look really bad so he was all art-directing me to pull all the pieces out and make it look really pitiful. Frankly, I didn’t have to work that hard. The stuff you can’t see: the lever that raises and lowers the top piece has been broken forever, so if you pick it up, (and you have to pick it up because the piece is broken so you can’t tilt it back to roll it anywhere) the bottom flops drunkenly. The whole thing weighs a ton, by the way. The cord winder has been broken since just after we moved to this house, five years ago. And also, the vacuum doesn’t suck up dirt any longer<\/em>. But hey, it’s had one belt change in 13 years. It’s been well worth the $200 my aunt paid for it when we got married.<\/p>\n

Here’s the new vac and it’s called The Boss:
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\nI thought I was going to get a Dyson. Everyone said, “Get a Dyson!” The commercials were telling me, “Get a Dyson! It’s the only vacuum on the market that has any suction at all!” I was seduced by marketing. I told Stephen in a slightly Stepford way that we should look at getting a Dyson. Stephen, of course, rolled his eyes at all this marketing hocus-pocus. He read the Consumer Reports on vacuums and told me to look at the top three or four. Dyson wasn’t even in that top tier. This Eureka was the middle of the pack as far as cost goes but rated high in most of their tests and had many good customer comments. It’s much quieter than the old vac and I’m pretty sure that if I were to put the hose in my mouth it would suck the fillings out of my teeth. The best part: the sticker on the vacuum says 60% more suction than a Dyson at half the price. Needless to say, I’m pretty dang happy with my new appliance.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Here’s the old vacuum: Stephen wanted it to look really bad so he was all art-directing me to pull all the pieces out and make it look really pitiful. Frankly, I didn’t have to work that hard. The stuff you can’t see: the lever that raises and lowers the top piece has been broken forever, … Continue reading Here is the Lame You’ve Been Waiting For<\/span> →<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"om_disable_all_campaigns":false,"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-1342","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry"],"aioseo_notices":[],"aioseo_head":"\n\t\t\n\t\n\t\n\t\n\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t