Carbo Loading

I’ve tried to be cool about how we’re rearing Eli. Goodness knows there’s enough guilt available from external sources for me to be manufacturing my own. But his eating is driving me crazy.

It’s not that he doesn’t eat. He has a healthy appetite and, like toddlers everywhere, is quite willing to snack his way through the day. It’s his five-loaf-a-day bread habit that worries me. Oh, sure, he eats other things. Cheddar cheese. Hummus. Cheddar cheese dipped in hummus. But above all, he loves bread products.

“I needa biscuit. No, I needa waffle. Crackers. I need crackers.”

Next to a blanket and a pacifier, crackers calm him down the most. When we put him in his carseat, the first thing he asks for is more crackers. It’s as if he’s training for a race.

I try not to worry, honest. Misty tells me I’m being silly. The internet tells me that this is normal. And yet, there it is, the guilt of Damocles, hanging over my head.

When you become a parent, you get a free subscription to Guilt magazine. You don’t have to subscribe! It shows up at your house regardless! And you can ignore them. You can let them pile up in an unused corner of a closet in a guest room. It doesn’t matter. One day you go to fetch something out of that closet, your eye falls on the uppermost issue in the stack, and wham. Guilt. The titles of all of the articles in the magazine are emblazoned on the front cover, screaming out at you in fear-mongering-point text. “IS YOUR CHILD EATING ENOUGH VEGETABLES?” “HOW YOUR TODDLER’S LOVE OF CARBOHYDRATES WILL CAUSE IRREVERSABLE DEATH!” That sort of thing.

Right now my hope is that, when Eli becomes an adult, there are organized bread-eating competitions. I can see him now, a large strapping lad of two-and-twenty, beaming at everyone who just watched him down two entire loaves of Wonder Bread, nutritiously-empty crumbs trickling down his shirt.

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7 Comments

  1. on August 22, 2006 at 2:48 pm | Permalink

    Our biggest problem is to get Halia to try new foods. Travon, for the most part, will try new things; but it’s a real struggle with her.

  2. on August 22, 2006 at 3:23 pm | Permalink

    I recommend cardio six times a week and strength training three times a week.

  3. Joyous
    on August 23, 2006 at 7:27 am | Permalink

    The trick, I guess, is to hide vegetables *inside* the crackers. Hmmm…maybe that’d work with Aaron too. 🙂

  4. on August 23, 2006 at 8:13 am | Permalink

    We do have the Muffins With Secret Peas In.

  5. Kat
    on August 23, 2006 at 11:44 am | Permalink

    Zucchini bread. Carrot cake. Banana bread… All ways to secretly feed your child fruit and vegetables when he doesn’t know it. 🙂

  6. on August 25, 2006 at 3:10 pm | Permalink

    This from my long-time friend Missy:

    I was reading the Granade blog. I can’t post comments from work, but I can’t stop myself from replying to Stephen’s post on the crackers. I so agree on the guilt. When Audry was pregnant, I told her of my favorite quote “Motherhood is wrought with guilt.” No matter how hard you try, you’ll never really think you’ve done/ been enough for your kids.

    Onto the food . . . Morgan will eat about 15 different foods right now, most of which involve pork. This is tough for me, since Grace has never been all that picky. She’s the only 6 year old I know who asks to go out for Sushi. I’m just resolving myself to the fact that Morgan will survive much of her early years on chocolate milk, bacon, chicken nuggets, and the occasional blueberry I beg her to eat. (“The little blueberry says ‘All I want to do is feed Morgan.'” Since she doesn’t want to hurt its feelings, she eats it.) She’s active, she’s not overweight. I hear Lipitor is very effective.

    I also loved your post on “the toughest Mom.” You sound like you may need to have another baby. Oh wait, that’s what I keep doing 😉

    Love the pics of Eli, such a cute boy. Very impressed with those counting skills on the drumming.

    MK

  7. on August 26, 2006 at 6:57 am | Permalink

    Eli would whup Kobayashi.