If Christians Made Video Games Like We Make Shirts

Those of you who aren’t part of a more fundamental Christian group may have been spared the sight of what I call flair of the spirit. It’s a subset of Jesus Junk consisting mainly of shirts with retooled corporate logos. The companies peddling these shirts are fond of saying, “Change your shirt and change the world!”, I suppose because saving the cheerleader just led to more problems.

Three Jesus shirts: Faith Book, God is My Hero, and Hope

Surprisingly enough, Christian companies haven’t taken the same approach to making video games. Christian video games tend to be trivia games or, occasionally, reworked FPSes or real-time strategy games, but they’re never existing franchises with a Christian spin on them. Perhaps this is because making video games is hard, and companies like Nintendo and EA have hordes of lawyers that would crush a product that went beyond a logo parody.

But what if one brave company decided that the shirt-makers had the right idea? What if one company dared to make Christian videogames that did parody existing ones?

Risn 2 Life
Deus Ex
Super Savior Mario
God of Love
Final Fantasy
MetLord
Tomb Raider: Magdalene
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33 Comments

  1. on April 14, 2009 at 11:57 am | Permalink

    http://digg.com/comedy/If_Christians_Made_Videogames_Like_We_Make_Shirts

  2. on April 14, 2009 at 12:42 pm | Permalink

    Do you hear me baby? Hold together.

  3. Jim
    on April 14, 2009 at 2:48 pm | Permalink

    LOL, I love those shirts, have many myself. Nothing like poking fun at corp america, american society and the sheep who follow them! As for the game idea, awesome!!!!

  4. on April 14, 2009 at 10:09 pm | Permalink

    Are you sure MetLord is Jesus and not Gaius Baltar?

  5. on April 14, 2009 at 10:17 pm | Permalink

    Given what he ended up doing in BSG, that might be.

  6. Jhutley Ghobberisch
    on April 15, 2009 at 12:00 pm | Permalink

    “Nothing like poking fun at corp america, american society and the sheep who follow them!”

    Uh. You’re more than aware Jesus called his followers a “flock”, right?

    Uhm. Right?

  7. Traveller
    on April 15, 2009 at 12:08 pm | Permalink

    Wow, I’d actually play most of those, if just for kicks.

  8. on April 15, 2009 at 12:39 pm | Permalink

    You shouldn’t encourage them.

  9. on April 15, 2009 at 1:10 pm | Permalink

    Hi there, Farkers! If any of you are moved to actually create one of these games, I’d be happy to offer a blurb for the ad campaign. “Just like I’d feared it would be, and then some.”

  10. on April 15, 2009 at 1:14 pm | Permalink

    Stephen, I salute your once-yearly farking of Geof’s server. :)

  11. on April 15, 2009 at 1:21 pm | Permalink

    I’ve been Kotaku’d, BoingBoinged, and even Slashdotted back in the day, so I guess I’m nearing a straight.

  12. WOW
    on April 15, 2009 at 3:02 pm | Permalink

    WOW all this devoted to a fairytale… somebody that may or may have not lived over 2000 years ago that cant be proven… You are right about people being a flock. We believe anything we are told. We dont even know where his tomb was and we have a holiday based on it…. God created us, why would he need to put a somebody here (and with no known mother) to prove his existance?

  13. on April 15, 2009 at 3:16 pm | Permalink

    Huh, we made it 11 comments before a drive-by slam on Christianity. That’s several more than I expected.

  14. WOW
    on April 15, 2009 at 3:56 pm | Permalink

    Im not slamming anybody, I do believe in God, i just think its stupid to worship something that we dont even know much about…. We don’t know when Jesus was born, we dont know when he died, we dont know where his tomb is…. http://www.khouse.org/enews_article/2005/1008/print/

  15. on April 15, 2009 at 4:19 pm | Permalink

    Note I didn’t say that you were slamming people, but Christianity itself (“all this devoted to a fairytale”). However, you were indeed slamming people (“You are right about people being a flock. We believe anything we are told.”). That’s fine, and I’m willing to discuss belief, Christianity, and more, but c’mon, own your own words on the subject.

  16. Nicole
    on April 15, 2009 at 5:17 pm | Permalink

    Um, why is God of Love rated M for mature? O_o

  17. WOW
    on April 15, 2009 at 6:45 pm | Permalink

    ”You are right about people being a flock. We believe anything we are told.” Thats not slamming anybody its a fact and i am owning my own words on the subject. I never quoting anybody or anything when i said that. Im saying that based on proof, or should i say lack of it. That link was just an example of it.

  18. WMDKitty
    on April 15, 2009 at 8:27 pm | Permalink

    I’m not a Christian, and I got a giggle out of this post. I really like the Tomb Raider idea — it would make for a good adventure, and nobody ever said the TR series was necessarily based on *real* artifacts. (Plus, they touch on other mythologies, why not give the Christ mythos a nod, as well.)

  19. WOW
    on April 15, 2009 at 9:29 pm | Permalink

    Thats a good example. Look at the Shroud of Turin.
    http://www.shroud.com/
    That in itself has become a myth of sorts. If that were really the death shroud of Jesus himself then why was it not kept sacred and guarded. Now people don’t even know the true origin of it, much less whos it was or even the true date of it. Some people even think its a fake.

  20. on April 15, 2009 at 10:36 pm | Permalink

    Nicole: the final boss fight at Golgotha, mainly.

    WOW: If it’s a fact, it’s an easily-refuted one. You’ve told me something here that I don’t believe.

  21. WMDKitty
    on April 15, 2009 at 11:46 pm | Permalink

    @Stephen — part of the problem w. the Shroud is that the Vatican is all, “No, you CAN’T has a sample for testings!” Additionally, even if it *is* a fake — who cares? — that doesn’t change the fact that there’s an epic story that goes with it. (And I rather like a good tale, which is what drew me into mythology in the first place.)

    Would it really affect the faithful that much if it *were* proven fake? I mean, seriously, if you believe in the Jesus mythos, you probably don’t sit there going, “well, if (X) is fake, I won’t believe anymore.” That’s why it’s *faith* — you don’t *need* evidence to back it up… well, until you start making claims of Absolute Truth, that is.

  22. on April 16, 2009 at 7:47 am | Permalink

    WMDKitty: Whoops, I wasn’t clear enough in my reply to WOW. The “fact” I was disagreeing with was his statement that people will believe anything they’re told. I wasn’t talking about the Shroud, which I suspect isn’t any more Jesus’s burial cloth than the splinter here in my finger is from his cross.

  23. Ogre
    on April 16, 2009 at 1:48 pm | Permalink

    Well I got a good laugh out of it as you well intended people to get. Good job Steph.

  24. WOW
    on April 16, 2009 at 3:54 pm | Permalink

    As WMDKitty said
    “That’s why it’s *faith* — you don’t *need* evidence to back it up… well, until you start making claims of Absolute Truth, that is.”
    Why would you worship and have faith in somthing that you can not prove as the Absolute Truth?
    If you can’t prove somthing as substantial as the Shroud of Turin, the burial shroud of Jesus himself, how are you suposed to have faith in Jesus as a savior?
    “Additionally, even if it *is* a fake — who cares? — that doesn’t change the fact that there’s an epic story that goes with it. (And I rather like a good tale, which is what drew me into mythology in the first place.)”
    Exactly…. Its an epic story. Heres another good example http://www.carm.org/christianity/answers-seekers/what-christianity
    (“It teaches that Jesus is the only way to be saved from the coming judgment of God and that salvation is received by faith in the work of Christ on the cross and not by anything that we can do to please God.” ). God is already here… he’s with us all the time why would i need to have faith in the fact that somebody got themselves crusified for there own reasons, to please God?

  25. WMDKitty
    on April 16, 2009 at 5:43 pm | Permalink

    @WOW — First of all, if you have physical proof, it’s not “faith” anymore. It’s truth. The Shroud has been proven a medieval forgery. That hasn’t stopped believers from having faith, nor should it. Faith, *by its very nature* is that which is believed without proof.

  26. on April 16, 2009 at 8:20 pm | Permalink

    WOW: “If you can’t prove somthing as substantial as the Shroud of Turin, the burial shroud of Jesus himself, how are you suposed to have faith in Jesus as a savior?”

    You’ve got a gaping hole in your logic. Whether or not people claim the Shroud of Turin is Jesus’s burial shroud is completely separate from Jesus as savior. The latter does not depend at all on the former. The Nicene creed makes no reference to it, and no church teaches it as part of Christian theology. Your claim is like saying that, if the moon isn’t made of green cheese, then how can we believe that we went to the moon? Except the latter may lead to Buzz Aldrin hitting you.

  27. WMDKitty
    on April 16, 2009 at 9:50 pm | Permalink

    Stephen: “Your claim is like saying that, if the moon isn’t made of green cheese, then how can we believe that we went to the moon? Except the latter may lead to Buzz Aldrin hitting you.”

    I LOL’d — and I agree, Buzz Aldrin probably *would* take a shot at someone for making that claim. (Some people honestly believe that the Moon landing was staged, and we never actually went to the Moon.)

  28. on April 17, 2009 at 9:22 am | Permalink

    Buzz Aldrin actually did punch a guy: Bart Sibrel, who has a “documentary” about how we never went to the moon. In 2002 he got Aldrin to come to a hotel for what Aldrin thought would be an interview with a Japanese TV show. This was the third time Sibrel had confronted Aldrin. Sibrel said, “You’re a coward and a liar –” and Aldrin rabbit-punches him. It was in front of two video cameras, so of course you can see it on YouTube: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZOo6aHSY8hU

  29. Jon H
    on April 17, 2009 at 10:38 am | Permalink

    Once upon a time, in 1997, I and some friends went to check out a store in La Jolla that sold old software. Prominently displayed near the front was something called “Screen Savior”, a Christian screen saver.

    Snide comments were made.

    The guy at the counter says “I wrote that”.

    Ouch.

  30. on April 17, 2009 at 11:31 am | Permalink

    Ha! Oh, man. That’s both awesome and terrible at the same time. I’m going to be laughing about “Screen Savior” all day now.

  31. WMDKitty
    on April 17, 2009 at 3:59 pm | Permalink

    ::giggle-snort:: @ “screen savior”

  32. WOW
    on April 17, 2009 at 9:56 pm | Permalink

    Ok sorry i said anything about this… Guess i shouldnt have said something just because i dont believe in it. To each his/her own. I was also wrong about using the Shoud of Turin as an example, you have a point. But i still dont believe in this stuff about not being able to please God exept through faith in the work of Christ on the cross. I believe that as long as you have a good relationship with God and do right towards everybody and everything (basically follow the 10 commandments) thats all that matters.

  33. r4 ds
    on May 28, 2009 at 12:04 am | Permalink

    hehe one of the funniest post I seen this year so far, really great work man I love it.

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