Nostalgia Web Hosting

Dear The Internet,

Let’s say, for the sake of argument, that I was going to open a business offering nostalgia web hosting. It would be where people who really wish their sites looked like a 1998 Geocities page would come.

The question: what features should this company offer? A free Under Construction .gif with every new account? Frames so you can have a scrollable side menu?



  1. on May 17, 2010 at 9:19 pm | Permalink

    Make sure it follows the HTML 1.0 standard.

  2. on May 17, 2010 at 9:21 pm | Permalink

    All pages automatically mirrored via gopher.

  3. Andrew Plotkin
    on May 17, 2010 at 9:23 pm | Permalink

    The ability to turn off on any desired line of text.

  4. Andrew Plotkin
    on May 17, 2010 at 9:24 pm | Permalink

    The ability to turn off BLINK on any desired line of text.

    (I didn’t expect your web site to *not escape* that tag…)

  5. on May 18, 2010 at 12:38 am | Permalink

    To fully fit the bill, you would mandate, just like dialup ISPs of the time, that all customer sites fit within a three megabyte account limit. They’d then figure out insane ways to make that 3MB stretch. Remember “The Farm”? Yeah, a meg and a half, tops. 🙂

  6. on May 18, 2010 at 12:56 am | Permalink

    I require a selection of MIDI files that will start playing when one of my pages loads.

  7. Chris
    on May 18, 2010 at 3:47 am | Permalink

    Free under construction sign (black and yellow).
    Frames support.
    Suggest ‘web rings’ the site can join.

  8. on May 18, 2010 at 1:12 pm | Permalink

    A hit counter I can put into my cgi-bin, preferably generating graphics that look like a vintage flip-style nightstand alarm clock.

    Embeddable “Search the World Wide Web (WWW)!!!” boxes, one for each hot web search engine: AltaVista, Lycos, HotBot, you know, the big guys.

    If you have time, an animated GIF of a mailbox opening and a letter flying into it that I can use as my mailto: link graphic.

  9. on May 18, 2010 at 1:16 pm | Permalink

    These are all frighteningly on the mark.

    Hm, there’s also the .gif of Bill Gates morphing into a devil.

  10. Sarah
    on May 19, 2010 at 5:13 am | Permalink

    Those goo-splatter NEW and UPDATED icons.

  11. Kate McKee
    on May 22, 2010 at 1:34 pm | Permalink

    Links in your choice of blue, red, or purple.
    Tiled background graphics at least 600 pixels square.
    A “Last updated” dating back to the Clinton Administration.