I’ve never played a sandbox game before, where you have a giant virtual environment that you can drive around mugging grandmothers and running red lights, so last night I started Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas. I wanted to experience its mix of non-linear gameplay and vehicular mayhem.

In the first hour of play, I’ve watched a lot of cut-scenes, interrupted by five-minute interludes where I ride a bike while following someone.

I’ve got six graphic design projects going right now and most of them are paid work. I’m working on making way too many Christmas and birthday presents.

It is possible that in October I got a little overly ambitious about Christmas. I’ve made it so I’ll be working every night on hand crafts from now until Christmas Eve. It’s fun. I enjoy it. And truthfully I think I’m more productive all the way around when my plate is full. The downside is that I’m so busy I don’t have any stories to tell and I can’t show photos of what I’m working on because everyone I am making presents for reads this blog.

That’s what I’ve been doing. What about you?

Ever seen inside a prepared piano? I hadn’t either. Here’s what it looks like when you’re doing the preparing:

There’s a table in Cage’s Sonatas and Interludes that lists what strings you’re supposed to shove stuff in and how far from the bridge the stuff goes. Insert a screwdriver, twist to spread the strings, and in goes the plastic or rubber or screws or bolts. Of course, Cage’s measurements were all for one specific piano, so you end up adjusting after you insert them.

And there’s what it looks like afterward.

I’m fascinated by behind-the-scenes information about political campaigns, which is part of what made The War Room so interesting to me. Now Newsweek is starting to release information from their Special Elections Project. “How He Did It, 2008” is an “inside, behind-the-scenes account of the presidential election produced by a special team of reporters working for more than a year on an embargoed basis and detached from the weekly magazine and Newsweek.com.” There’s tidbits on how the candidates reacted to debates (they unsettled both McCain and Obama), and the boundaries McCain set for personal attacks (“no Jeremiah Wright; no attacking Michelle Obama; no attacking Obama for not serving in the military”).

UPDATE: Here’s part one of “How He Did It”.

We were gone last week to Arkansas to hear my brother Andrew perform at Ouachita Baptist University, our alma mater, where he played John Cage’s Sonatas and Interludes for prepared piano and taught a class about Cage. Cage’s prepared piano pieces: where artsy music meets Home Depot’s hardware aisle.

Andrew was nice enough to let me help him prepare the piano. Music students attentively watched us jam screws and bolts into the school’s Kawai piano. (Not, you’ll note, the Fazioli.) My favorite part was when our fabulous prior music instructor, Dr. George Keck, introduced us to the students. They were polite enough when Dr. Keck mentioned Andrew’s Ph.D. in musicology from University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign. However, when he mentioned that my doctorate in physics was from Duke, they gasped. “I didn’t get an ‘oooh!'” Andrew said plaintively.

Andrew’s concert was brilliant as expected, because he is brilliant. But that’s not what this post is about. Nor is it about us paying $2 a gallon for gas. ($2 a gallon! Dump the milk, Misty! From now on the cat drinks unleaded!) It’s about political nicknames.

See, since I was back in Arkansas, I got to read the local Arkansas paper. And Thursday’s paper had an article on candidates’ nicknames that are appearing on ballots today. There’s Micky D. “Stubby” Stumbaugh, who’s running for Cabot alderman and who was short and chubby as a child, and Wallace “Bunkey” Bauer, who’s running for Bauxite alderman and who bunked with his older brother growing up. The best, though, is Wayne “Pokechop” White, candidate for Warren alderman. “He got the nickname 13 years ago after eating pork chops for lunch 30 days in a row.” Maybe there’s something about Arkansas aldermen that brings out the nicknames.

Heard any good politician’s nicknames that can beat Pokechop?

To my fellow US citizens: go vote.

Unless you’re going to vote for candidates I don’t approve of, in which case, stay home.

And for those who live in Alabama, go vote for all of the constitutional amendments. True, our constitution is already the longest in-use constitution in the world. Yes, it’s been amended to let officials dispose of dead animals and dig up human graves, to get rid of the boll weevil, and to forbid dead officials from drawing a salary. But we can’t rest on our laurels. We’re up to Amendment 799, which was an amendment of Amendment 756. By 2012 I want us to break the 900-amendment barrier!

So did you vote?

I was thinking the other day that I would post my top five favorite songs so then I could get others to post their favorite songs. Then I realized that I couldn’t narrow it down to five, and frankly ten was a bit tough as well, so I decided that I’d just list my favorites in no particular order and you guys could chime in with your faves as you like.

The Bands/Singers I Love & My Favorite Songs from Them

I Still Haven’t Found What I’m Looking For – U2
This is my favorite song. No question. It is the song I return to when I need to be comforted. It is a song of hope for what is yet to come. The song is so joyful about the search that I am pulled up out of my day-to-day life and reminded that the good is out there and I need to open my eyes and look for it.

I was in junior high the first time I heard U2. A friend of mine handed me The Unforgettable Fire and made me swear to take it home and listen to it. He was a bit on the kooky side and I thought it was another of his weird hair bands. I listened to the album once and knew it was something that would affect me for the rest of my life.

Other U2 songs that I can’t ever hear enough of: Sunday Bloody Sunday, Pride (In the Name of Love), Love and Peace or Else, Beautiful Day, 40.

Losing My Religion – R.E.M.
This song, while it is about a relationship breakup, makes me smile. Only in the US South could “I’m totally fed up with you” become the phrase “losing my religion”. At one time it was a breakup song for me too, but now I just listen to it and think I’m glad that I’m not that tired of anybody in my life.

Other R.E.M. songs that were in the running: Fall On Me, Bang and Blame, Leave, Welcome to the Occupation, Lotus, Turn You Inside Out.

Why Should I Cry for You? – Sting
I love this Sting song for two reasons. At the beginning there this ‘beewedup’ sound that makes me think of water and floating on the ocean. Then there are the lines towards the end of the song: “Sometimes I see your face, The stars seem to lose their place, Why must I think of you?” I think that’s just about the best description of how you can ever possibly feel about your significant other followed by the saddest thing that could ever probably come after it.

Other Sting songs that I heart: Love is the Seventh Wave, Desert Rose, Inside, Mad About You, Shape of my Heart.

Police songs that I can’t do without either: Next to You; Bring on the Night; When the World Is Running Down, You Make the Best of What’s Still Around; Hungry for You (J’Aurais Toujours Faim de Toi); One World (Not Three); Every Little Thing She Does is Magic.

Yeah, I know the list is long. What can I say? I loves me some Gordon Sumner.

Center of Attention – Guster
I’m pretty sure this is how we all feel inside our own heads. I love to sing this song really loud in the car when I’m by myself. The song’s overly bouncy beat with the lyrics’ complete self-centeredness makes me giggle.

Other Guster songs I thought about putting on this list: the whole rest of the “Lost and Gone Forever” album. It’s that good, really.

You Don’t Love Me Yet – Honest Bob and the Factory to Dealer Incentives
Ok, I’ll admit that Stephen and Dan of Honest Bob have been friends for something like ten years. So should I count a friend’s music in my list? I think I should get to count it double on the soundtrack of my life because it’s both something that I enjoy listening to AND I know Dan in real life. This song cracks me up for a variety of reasons but mostly because I can imagine Dan laughing his butt off while writing it.

HBatFtDI songs that I could’ve also listed as my favorites: The Benefits of Language, I Don’t Want to Hear About Your Crappy Boyfriend, My Dinner With Laurie.

A Heading I Cringe at: Christian Music

Radiate – Eric Peters
Geof gave us this album not too long ago and I rolled my eyes because he’s pushed his Christian version of “crying in my beer music” on us before. I am totally eating those words because there is nothing better and brighter (or less “crying in my beer”) than this song.

I dislike being marketed to as a Christian. I hate the idea of a Christian music label. “Oh, you’re a Christian, so you must like ______________.” Usually, not so much. But there are a few gems out there; you just have to dig.

Other contemporary Christian songs that I love: Art in Me and Flood by Jars of Clay. Share the Well by Caedmon’s Call. The Turning, River of Love, Libera Me by Leslie (Sam) Phillips. God Made Me and Passover Us by Andrew Peterson.

Songs I’d love to sing in church that aren’t labeled as Christian music: Seasons of Love – Jonathan Larson Yeah, I know the musical is about drug-addicted AIDS artist wannabes living in NYC, but when I die someone please sing this song at my funeral just so one time this song gets inside a church where it belongs. These are the Days – 10,000 Maniacs “These days you might feel a shaft of light make its way across your face. And when you do you’ll know how it was meant to be.” So completely totally the best line ever.

My Favorite Love Gone Wrong Songs

Mess – Ben Folds Five
Nobody does love gone wrong as well as Ben Folds. And this song is the end-all be-all example of “I have made a huge mess of my life and everything is crap and I don’t even believe in God”. No matter how bad I think my situation is, I can always listen to this song and know I didn’t screw it up as bad as the narrator of this song did.

In Between Days – The Cure
I listened to this song for many years before I realized it was about a love triangle. And when has that ever gone right? At least the narrator apologizes and says he wants you to come back. But we never find out if you do or not. Oh well, it’s at least really catchy dance music.

Porcelain – Moby
“Tell the truth you never wanted me…tell me” Ouch. The first time I heard this line I was listening on headphones. I had heard the song many times and had always managed to miss it because it is whispered inside the music. I think I went back and listened to that about half a dozen times. It still gets me every time. It totally makes the song. Uh, now that I know to listen for it.

Windmills – Toad the Wet Sprocket
I think this is a love gone wrong song. Maybe not. Frankly I’m not really sure, but I love the song anyway. “Take the darkest hour-break it open, Water to repair what we have broken” Love that baptismal imagery.

Three Songs that are in a Category All Their Own, I Just Don’t Know What to Call the Category

Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star – as sung by Eli and Liza
I’ll just say that pretty much any time your kid starts singing a song that you’ve been singing to them their whole life you want to freeze time and remember it forever.

Baba O’Riley – The Who
I don’t know what it is about this song. I loved it before I knew the technical wizardry that it took to produce this song. Then once I knew that, I was a total goner. I don’t know what to call it. Teen anthem? It makes me think about being free, with what little hair I have whipping in the wind as I drive down a long road.

Women in Chains – Tears for Fears
A woman’s lib song by men. I don’t know why that works for me but it does.

Two Songs that I Love that Have About a Million Versions

All Along the Watchtower – Jimi Hendrix
Actually, Jimi Hendrix’s is not my favorite version. My favorite version is by Michael Hedges, at least this week. The story is great, and surprise, the guitar part is great too. And I love hearing how so many different people have interpreted it.

Such Great Heights – The Postal Service
I loved this song as soon as I heard it. It was pretty much an instant I’m-gonna-love-this-forever kinda thing. Then Eli started to sing it. Then Ben Folds covered it and then many, many college a capella choirs. We all love it. I am a sucker for the catchy, catchy pop tune. And so is everybody else, I guess.

Focus on the Family, James Dobson’s conservative evangelical Christian group, is dabbling in near-future science fiction. They’ve sent out a letter from 2012, four years after Obama becomes President. They have looked into the future, and it’s gays as far as their eyes can see. Same-sex marriage, first graders forced to learn about homosexuality, churches required to marry gays, the Boy Scouts disbanding rather than let gays be Scoutmasters, and special bonuses for gays who enlist in the military. Also, just so you know, in the grim future of 2012, it’s “almost impossible to keep children from seeing pornography”.

All Focus on the Family can see is sex, Sex, SEX! Everywhere! Mostly gay sex! Why, if Obama wins, someone may kick down my front door and force Misty and me to divorce so that we can enter into gay marriage. I guess I’d better start looking for an Adam to my Steve.

The bonus on gays in the military is a nice touch. What does Focus on the Family think, is going to happen? Pink beret groups who have fabulous fighting skills and well-tailored camo? Come to think of it, that’s probably who’s going to bust into my house.

Yes, science fiction can be viewed as fantasies of political agency. I know writing near-future SF can be hard, especially if all you do is inflate your bête noire to comical proportions. But really, Focus on the Family? Your effort is the kind of sweaty paranoid fantasy I’d expect to see self-published on Lulu.com and with a bad Poser-rendered cover.

It’s almost Halloween time, so let’s build a Portal gun!

Two quick notes. One, if you’re wondering, “huh?”, and don’t think you’ll actually play the game Portal that the gun is from, you can read my dissection of said game or listen to me rave about it on a podcast. Two, if you don’t care about how I made it, feel free to jump to more pictures of the gun.

Stuff I used to make it:

1. PVC pipe and fittings. Specifically, the front is made out of a 3″ to 1 1/2″ reducer coupling and a 3″ fitting cleanout adapter. The back is made of another 3″ to 1 1/2″ reducer coupling, a 4″ to 3″ reducer coupling, and about a foot of 4″ PVC pipe. They’re connected by a roughly 1 linear foot section of 1 1/2″ PVC pipe. (If you ever need to make other fake guns, the PVC fitting section of your local hardware store is your friend.)
2. 1 1/2″ OD clear plastic tubing, to also connect the front to the back. Choose a length of tubing that doesn’t have any lettering stamped on it.
3. Roughly 3 feet of 1/4″ OD black plastic tubing. This is for the tubes that pump coolant or portal-ions or whatever from the back piece to the front nozzle.
4. A 5L bottle of Ultra Downy fabric softener or similar. We need something big and plastic for the back, and this is about the right size. If you can find a white bottle, you’ll be ahead of the game. More crafty people than me could create a molded back piece if they so desired.
5. A white plastic bottle that we can turn into the shield on the front. The shield is roughly a diamond 8″ by 10″ on its diagonals. I used a cat litter bottle!
6. A 3″ long 1/2″ wide rectangular cross-section steel rod that we can cut and turn into the arms.
7. Roofing tin to make the triangles at the end of the arms. Any color will do.
8. Six 2-56 nylon screws and nuts. All of those plastic bottles that you’ll use to make the shileds are likely made of PETE, and PETE’s pesky long-chain hydrocarbons don’t bond to glue for crap.
9. A metal hacksaw or similar.
10. Tin snips for snipping the roofing tin.
11. A Dremel tool or something else you can use to carve slots in PVC. Oh, Dremel tool, is there nothing you can’t do?
12. A drill and a set of drill bits.
13. Small clamps. You’ll use them to clamp pieces together. CLAMP! CLAMP!
14. Black and white Krylon spray paint or other spray paint designed to stick to PVC and similar plastics.
15. A sharp X-Acto knife, one sharp enough to cut through plastic.
16. Two-part epoxy.
17. PVC cement (optional). You can do what I did and use the 2-part epoxy to glue the PVC pipes together, or you can use PVC-specific cement. Since we’re not flowing water through these pipes, it doesn’t really matter.
18. Welding equipment (optional). I didn’t have any, so I did a whole lot of gluing.

Let’s make this thing. Continue reading How to Create a Portal Gun in Many Easy Steps →

The vet near us updates his sign every month or so to suggest treatments, give general pet advice, or threaten you with free puppies. As of today, he has different statements on either side of that sign.

Side one: Winter is coming. Prepare your pets for the cold.

Side two: Antifreeze will kill your pets!