I don’t gush here much about motherhood because usually Stephen says all the things I would say but in much finer words and people think it’s sweet to hear these things from a dad. Also, I can hear the giant inhalation of breath from the internet at large and then the disgustedly voiced, “Mommy Blogger!”

However, this week I can’t hold it in.

I’ve been going through a bit of a down spell. I wouldn’t call it depression exactly. It’s been more of a time of stupid busyness that I haven’t been able to control. And it’s caused me to be short with Eli and often to sit him in front of the tv so that I can get just one more thing done.

How sad is that? To get the privilege to stay at home with your kids and then not take advantage of seeing all the interesting transformations that happen along the way. Last week I decided to do something about it, so each day since I have dedicated a chunk of time to doing whatever Eli wants to do. This is good for several reasons: it makes me feel less guilty (not the main reason but a pleasant one anyway), he doesn’t think that Sesame Street is on 24/7 and, amazingly, he is better behaved when I dedicate some time to his designs. Oh, and yeah, I get to spend time with my amazingly clever child.

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Yesterday, I was looking at some video footage from November. Eli is a baby in these few frames I’ve collected. In one he scrubs around on the kitchen floor with his blanky and points at the camera and says in his baby voice, “Circle, Mama, Circle!”
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I’ve tried so hard to make him be independent. Since I quit nursing Eli, I have insisted that Stephen be able to put him to bed and care for him in other ways. I will never forget overhearing someone from our former church say that she could never leave her kids with her husband because the husband wouldn’t know what to do for the kids. I vowed that day (some six years before we even thought about kids) that our family would never work that way. But I think I may have given up some things along the way. Eli would just as well be comforted by any number of people when he is upset, sick or hurt. I am not Queen Mommy because he’s learned that we have a community of people around us that care for us. Don’t get me wrong, I love that community and wouldn’t trade it for anything but I do still occasionally wish I ranked highest in his world.

I hope though that this independence is good. Maybe it will be easier to send him to kindergarden. Maybe I won’t hurt so much giving him up because I’ve already started the process. And everyday when he gets home from school he’ll be excited to tell me about what he learned. And then when he goes to college, I’ll be ready to have some peace in my house and spend some time with Stephen that doesn’t include toys on the floor. And then one day he’ll call me and say that he’s getting married and I will gain another person into my family.

Give them secure roots and they will develop strong wings.

Do you know that saying? The trite roots and wings thing? Before I was a parent, I thought it was cheesy (actually I still think it’s a cheesy saying) but I get the sentiment better now than every before. I know I’m working on both roots and wings at the same time and it’s so hard to be present in every moment of every day and not feel like I am lost to myself. It’s something I have talked about here before and I still don’t have any answers. I guess it’s hard to come out on the other side with any sort of personality that’s not 98% Mother. I guess really I want it both ways. I want to be Queen Mommy but only when I want it and still get to have “me” time.

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Today, we visited Chrissy, Will and Baby Luke. I was outside pushing Will and Eli in the swings while Chrissy made lunch. Will clutched his daisy (this boy is a horticulturist in training) and pointed out clouds and airplanes while Eli made up rhymes.

“Car rhymes with star! What rhymes with star?”

“Far?” I say, “Tar? Bar? Bizarre?”

“Noooo!” Eli says.

“Yessss!” I say.

“OK. Car, bar, far…what rhymes with Camel, Mom?”

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Yeah, I’m stumped. I don’t know what rhymes with Camel. I’m sure that something does, but without looking it up on the internet, I have no idea. (It’s YAML, by the way, like anyone who isn’t a programmer knows that.) I know that there isn’t an English word to rhyme with orange and it’s the only word that doesn’t have a rhyme but Camel has me stumped.

Maybe this conversation holds the answer. To keep learning with Eli instead of trying to keep myself so separate. To be challenged by what he talks about and learn new stuff to keep up with him. So we are challenged together at the same time. I’ll have to think about this. It’s only coming to me as I write it down.

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Eli starts Mother’s Morning Out in three weeks. He’s going two days a week this year. Twice! twice, twice as much time as last year. Surely that will be enough “me” time. I’ll let you know. There’ll probably be some maudlin post here from me about how much I miss my kid while he’s at school.

These days Eli is all about saying, “No!” I got ready to go to work this morning and, as usual, told Eli, “I’m off to work! Come give me a hug and a kiss!”

“No!” he shouted, and ran off laughing.

I know, I know. This is normal; he’s being independent; this is a phase that will pass. But I am still seized with unreasoning anger. Why must he assert his independence by saying “no” all the time? Have we not done as parenting books and the Internet demand and given him choices? Sometimes even meaningful choices? “Do you want to stay with mom or go to the store with dad?” “Would you like to read a book or play with your cars?” “Paper or plastic?”

It doesn’t matter. These coping strategies are as snowflakes on the hot stove eye of his burgeoning independence. No, he doesn’t want to eat dinner. No, he doesn’t want to stop hitting the wall with that wooden spoon. Even when it’s something he has previously asked to do, like watching Sesame Street, sometimes he still says no.

I have a new coping strategy. Every time he says no, I now stick my fingers in my ears and shout “LA LA LA I CAN’T HEAR YOU.” I’ll let you know how well this works.

Web 2.0 is posited as a leap forward in how we waste time online. Applications like Flickr and Basecamp and Google Maps have introduced PC-application-like interfaces to the web. They’ve also taken a rapid-prototyping approach, with software being made widely available while still in a near-beta state.

While the three examples above are standard-bearers for Web 2.0, the single most ubiquitous Web 2.0 application is the online to-do list. Those to-do lists are everywhere.

That’s why I am pleased to announce FoneItIn, the world’s first Web 3.0 To-Do List Manager. While Web 2.0 introduced web applications that have rich non-web-like interfaces, my Web 3.0 application uses an interface that is instantly familiar to everyone: the telephone. Web 3.0 is no longer confined to the web at all. And best of all, FoneItIn is compatible with Getting Things Done, the productivity approach beloved by geeks because you can spend all of your time managing your Getting Things Done system rather than actually doing things.

Setting Up FoneItIn

To use FoneItIn Beta version 1 you need a home landline and a digital answering machine or a phone with a built-in digital answering machine. In Beta version 2 we will support cellphone voicemail systems. By Beta 3 we hope to support your voicemail at work.

Add the answering machine to your home’s landline. The answering machine should have an access code, a number that you’ll need to key in when you call the answering machine from outside the home. Set it to something memorable. And no, setting it to 69 isn’t funny.

Connecting to Your FoneItIn Server

Use your browser to dial your landline number. Because of cross-platform standards your browser can be any telephone-enabled device, though FoneItIn is optimized for use with cellphones. The answering machine will pick up.

Adding Tasks

Connect to your FoneItIn server. When it tells you to record a message, speak your new task clearly and distinctly into the phone. Hang up. Because FoneItIn uses AJAX technology, there is no need to press “submit”.

Reviewing Your To-Do List

Connect to your FoneItIn server. Key in the numeric code you chose while setting up FoneItIn. How you listen to old tasks will vary from machine to machine. Consult your manual to find out what to key in to review old tasks. Note: your answering machine manual may refer to tasks as “messages”.

Deleting Tasks From Your To-Do List

Connect to your FoneItIn server. Key in your machine’s numeric code. As with reviewing your old tasks, how you delete old tasks will vary from machine to machine. Consult your answering machine’s manual.

Publishing Your To-Do List

Web 3.0 is all about community. To let others view or edit your to-do list, give them your home phone number and your answering machine’s numeric code.

Miscellanea

You may ask: how will Granades.com make money on FoneItIn? We expect to sell branded FoneItIn machines and serve Google ads through speech synthesis. The rest we’ll make up for in volume.

Toddler’s brains are like tape recorders hooked up to a Markov chain process to produce realistic-sounding sentences. Eli will say phrases that he must have picked up somewhere and stored in his immense toddler brain, waiting for the right moment to unleash them on his unsuspecting parents.

This weekend we visited my grandmother. At one point, my aunt and her two high-school-age kids were visiting. A good time was had by all. Eli especially loved one of my cousins, to whom fell the duty of Eli wrangling. “Gordon! You come play hide and seek with Eli!” “Gordon! Where Gordon go?” “GOOOOOOORDOOOOOOON!”

That night, right after they left, Eli looked up from his toys. “Those are fine people,” he said.

Liz Phair: Why Can’t I (2003)

Fine, fine, the quality of Liz Phair’s work has declined since Exile In Guyville. Sure, Liz Phair is the goateed mirror opposite of Exile In Guyville, all slick production value and shallow pop writing. But this video’s concept is great: the song is playing on a jukebox, with the band appearing on various record covers that feature as their titles the lyrics. On a side note, it appears this song was a big hit with the anime crowd, as I had trouble finding the video amongst all of the anime music videos set to the song.

Fatboy Slim: Weapon of Choice (2001)

Dance Dance Christopher Walken! Walken’s background as a dancer helps him in this Spike Jonze video, but what really sells it are his facial expressions. I am guilty of watching this video over and over and over.

MayandPop!MayandPop!
MayandPop!
MayandPop!
MayandPop!
MayandPop!
MAYANDPOP are here!

Tonight I finished three projects that I’ve been working on steadily since Friday (between one and four hours every day). It was a great deal of handwork that was a lot of fun to do that amazingly enough isn’t cross-stitch. They are all three gifts that I’m giving this weekend so I can’t wait to see what people have to say about them. I’ll show photos after the surprise is over.

On a not-so-fun side note, the work caused a lot of numbness in my left hand (carpal tunnel). So I have an emergency chiropractor appointment tomorrow in hopes that he can take care of it before the weekend. Wish me luck!

Over the weekend, a bunch of friends came over for dinner, to hang out, and to keep Eli and me company while Stephen was in Atlanta.

While at the dinner table Eli turned to me and said, “Where’s Rick?”

We had been watching Sesame Street earlier in the day so I responded with, “He’s hiding behind something green.” (Eli had on a green t-shirt and had his back to Rick.)

Eli asked again, “Where’s Rick? Rick, where are yooooouuu?”

“Check behind you.” I said.

He turned to face Rick and immediately asked of Rick, “Rick, where’d Mom go?”

Breast milk is said to have many benefits. Chalk up another for breast milk: breastfeeding can potentially reduce a baby’s pain during simple medical procedures. A group of researchers from Toronto’s Mount Sinai Hospital, led by Dr. Prakeshkumar Shah, did a literature review of eleven studies that compared babies’ pain when they were breastfeeding or drinking supplemental breast milk versus other measures such as swaddling, being given a pacifier, and being given a placebo. In a weird twist, it did not beat out giving babies a glucose solution. The literature review found no studies testing this for repeated medical procedures, so there goes my plans for giving out “free drinks of breast milk with every needle jab” coupons. The study was published in Issue 3 of the Cochrane Database of Systematic Reviews.

Eli is at the point in his life where he may change his mind about what he wants on a minute-by-minute basis, but he absolutely positively knows what he wants right now. It’s like continually running into a wall that moves at random. He’s also very specific about what he wants, even as he has trouble articulating his desires all at once. “You — you move — you move your … your glass and I put my octopus water onna coaster.”

We get exhortations: “Stop that, daddy, stop that!” We get stage directions: “No, mom, you — you go and daddy, you stay here and sit on my rug and we play cars.” We get changable instructions: “I want crackers. No, I want hummus. No, I want ham and cheese and hummus. And milk. I want water.”

This is all part of that independence thing that, were we smarter parents, we’d crush under our foot like a spider. But we’re not. We try to make him more independent. We try to direct Eli as much as possible, guiding him towards choices that we can live with. Most of the time. Then there are the times where I revert to being two as well, leading to conversations like the following:

Eli: Dad, we play cars. We play cars with these two cars. You get this car.
Me (pointing to an unused car): I want that truck.
Eli: No, you get this car.
Me: No, I want that truck.
Eli: No, you get this car.
Me: No, I want that truck.
Eli: No, you get this car.
Me: No, I want that truck.
Eli: No, you get this car.
Me: No, I want that truck.
Eli: No, you — you get this car.
Me: No, I want that truck.
Eli: No, you get this car.
Me: No, I want that truck.
Eli: Okay.
(Eli turns to the bucket full of cars.)
Eli: You get this grasshopper car.

True, I did eventually play with the grasshopper car, but I still count this as a moral victory.