So today was not nearly as fun as the past two days. I don’t know if it’s because I knew that Stephen would be back today or if it was because I did manage to take a nap this afternoon that made me feel like crap and give me a headache all at the same time.

Eli went to the dentist this morning and did great. They wouldn’t let me come back with him and when they did come to get me, three hygienists said that he did great. The dentist was with him when I got back there and he was miraculously using a Dremel tool to file down the chip in Eli’s tooth. It was miraculous because Eli was actually allowing him to do it and mostly sitting still.

After that, we met one of his friends at Chick-fil-a for the boys to play in the smelly, smelly play yard since it was raining like crazy and we couldn’t go to the park. Eli refused to climb the stairs to go down the slide so play time didn’t last long.

At home we watched some TV, read and then took our naps and then unfortunately, I was the cranky one after nap. So when Dad rolled in at about 6:30, there was rejoicing and much boy wrestling on the bed.

I think the later bedtime is working, he didn’t get up until 6:30 this morning and we just put him to be at 8:15. Maybe now we’ll get a few more weeks of sleeping till seven-zero-zero before the next one comes. It’s only one month away…

Well the day started later so that was a step in the right direction. Eli came in at 6:15 and he was totally ready to chat about everything.

We got ready for school and as we were riding in the car, Eli announced, “We needa go see Kat and Sean!”

I reminded him that they live in AZ and we had to go there by plane. Then he started reminiscing about our recent trip to visit them. The playgrounds, the exercise ball and rolling it up and down the stairs, the playgrounds. So I asked if he wanted to call Kat.

“Sure!” he shouted from the backseat.

I figured if we were lucky, we’d catch her in the car on her way to work. She answered the phone and I could tell she didn’t know what to think. I said hay and told her that someone wanted to talk to her. What followed was a conversation that I’m sure on her end was mostly incomprehensible ramblings about coming to visit them, the exercise ball, the playground, the ducks we saw there (Who knew that ducks only lived in AZ?), going to school, and my personal favorite new conversational tidbit, going past cars quickly so they won’t crash into us. Meanwhile, I can hear her laughing through pretty much the whole thing. It entertained me. And that’s mostly why I encourage him to do these kinds of things, entertainment value.

I dropped him at school without incident and came back home to do some real work. (A paying job! See how now I am procrastinating!) At a bit past noon, the school called and said he had diarrhea and could I please come get him. I zipped off to church to pick him up. The office ladies admitted that he was probably fine as he asked approximately 8,000 questions and the follow-up “Why?” about every single thing in the office, as well as tried to open the safe and rearrange the bulletin board for them.

After nap (and zero stinky diapers) we took a little trip to our branch library which is very tiny but very convenient to our house. We got several new books and played on the playground that is on the adjacent ball field. Note to self: I think we will not be picking baseball as our activity when Eli gets older as the gear and uniforms look very expensive.

After several readings of Llama Llama Red Pajama and a visit from ¡Tim!, Eli rolled into bed at 8:15. I’ll keep you posted as to wake up time tomorrow.

When I do cross-stitch projects with beads there is always a moment when I am looking at the pattern and I say to myself, “Do you really want to do those beads?” I ask this question not because bead work is hard, it’s actually a nice change of pace to the actual cross-stitch work, but because I always, always, always and forever manage to drop a container of beads at least once a project.

A company named Mill Hill makes all these beads. If you go to this link, the second set down is the color I’m working with. That would be the cream color that is the exact freaking match as the color of our living room rug.

Last night, well, you can guess what happened last night, y’all are a pretty bright bunch of folks.

An hour later, Rachel having learned that yes, indeed I know several different varieties of swear words, we finished scraping all the beads off of me, the rug and from between the couch cushions. (Man, you think your house is clean until you are scooping 2mm beads out of the couch and there are bread and cookie crumbs bigger than your beads.) We went back to watching the show we had started when I broke my needle threader. I made up a new swear word and quit working on cross-stitch for the night.

Stephen left last night for a conference in Orlando. I always dread these trips because I am sole caretaker of the octopus arms and this is doubly tiring when I am as pregnant as I am. Eli had a slight cold over the weekend so we’ve also been a bit house bound as every time his face hits the wind for more than two seconds his nose runs for two hours afterward.

Eli nearly had a breakdown when Stephen started the hugging goodbye ritual. I thought I was going to have to use a crowbar to get him to turn Stephen loose. But as soon as I suggested he could get in the bathtub early, all was right with the world.

I have discovered the secret to the universe and it is called early bath.

He climbed into the tub yesterday around 6 pm and I actually made it to 7:30 without dropping. Today we got into the bath before 5 and we’ve already had dinner. Now he’s playing quietly in his room with a feather duster that because most of the time is off limits is the best toy in the whole entire world. I am sitting at the computer working on this post. This time of the day is usually fraught with many tantrums for a snack, dad, going to church, dad, going home, watching a show, a snack, playing on the computer, a snack, dad. But apparently early bath and early dinner make life a near paradise. Who knew?

The only down side to the past 24 hours is this morning’s wake up call. Eli got up at 5:15. I had to go in and tell him to go back to bed because it wasn’t yet daylight. He insisted that he had a stinky diaper, which he didn’t. I made him get back under the covers with the light out and told him that he needed to go back to sleep.

At 6:15 he was back in my room saying he had a stinky diaper and indeed there was a prodigious amount of stink. I changed his diaper and instructed him that he needed to play quietly in his room and that he could come and wake me up at 7.

At 6:45 he was back in my room saying it was 7. I told him, no it wasn’t quite 7 but that if he could be quiet and still he could go get his blankie and get into bed with me. He managed to do that for the 15 remaining minutes before 7, at which time he announced it was time to get up because it was daytime.

Now the good news to this early rising is that he is back to taking two hour naps. He crashed out at noon today and I heard nary a peep from him until about 2. But man, the four alarms before 7 is a killer. I guess this is God’s way of preparing me for the days of the new baby, you know, in case I forgot what no sleep was like.

Friday afternoon I was lucky enough to get a nap in. Of course, I had to sleep on my sheetless bed because I had them in the dryer, but I can’t really be that picky when the urge to sleep hits and Eli is asleep and I don’t have anything I have to accomplish for 45 minutes. I fell on the bed and was pretty much instantly asleep only to be keep half awake by my kid with hiccups. Apparently, this child is not as unperturbed about hiccups as Eli was. She kicked and rolled and beat about with her fists. I think she finally go over the hiccups, because she settled down and I didn’t move again until Eli came to tell me he wanted to watch a show.

It’s 4:56 am. I’ve been awake since about 4 because she has the hiccups again. And yes, verification: she doesn’t like them. I think if she could wail there would be wailing to go with the gnashing of teethless gums. She was pitching and rolling so much, I had to wake Stephen so he could experience it too. His response, “Wow, she’s really mad,” mumbled sleepily into the back of my head. After which, he promptly fell back asleep.

I’m not sure how the drama will play once she gets to the outside. I don’t think anybody else in the family will be all that impressed.

Alanis Morissette: My Humps (2007)

“My Humps” is one of the most annoying songs in recent memory, but Alanis Morissette has taken it and, by turning it into a slow ballad, shown us the sad person underneath the happy clown makeup. She lays bare the pathos that is at the heart of

I can’t finish typing that, I’m laughing too hard. When this song first appeared on that there computer internet, people debated whether this was a serious cover or not. The video makes it clear that Alanis is taking the piss.

Hurra Torpedo: Total Eclipse of the Heart (1995)

At least for this moment, Wikipedia describes Hurra Tornado as “Norway’s most famous kitchen appliance band”. That seems about right. And no one covers Bonnie Tyler like hirsute Norwegians whaling away on kitchen appliances. For more, see their live performance of “All The Things She Said”.

Bonus video time!

If this video confuses you, you’ll need to go watch an episode of “Dora the Explorer”. As Maraka says, “Don’t question it, just do it!”

Yes, that’s right it’s the weekly march to the end. I go to the doctor every week from now until the baby comes. Which is saying something considering my doctor is on maternity leave. I was scheduled to see the head doctor from the practice this morning but the nurse came in and said she was “incredibly” behind schedule so would it be ok to see the nurse practitioner? You mean, not sit here with no pants on for another half hour? Yes, I’ll take that! The NP was very nice and very apologetic about the doctor giving me a miss but I was quite relieved to be getting out of the doctor’s office in under an hour.

The baby’s heart rate was good and she said I was measuring a bit small but I did that with Eli toward the end too so I’m not very concerned about that. I have Braxton-Hicks contractions pretty much with all walking and or bending movement but hey, I don’t work so I can just lie down until those go away, right? My blood pressure is normal and I’ve gained one pound, bringing my total up to three. Also, the baby has turned head down which always gives me a sigh of relief.

I feel pretty tired all the time now and have an annoying shortness of breath. But the breathing thing is better since it rained on Tuesday and cleared all the pollen out of the air. Last night, we slept with the windows open. I think Stephen almost had icicles hanging from his ears this morning while I was enjoying the fresh spring breeze. Such is life for the very pregnant.

My brain is being eaten by work, so here’s a short post on nothing of much importance. A while back I confessed to my youthful love of Knight Rider. Now I have learned that I can relive that obsession by buying K.I.T.T. Some ten years ago Tim Russo bought one of the Trans-Ams used for close-up views of K.I.T.T. It has a turbo boost button, working video screens, and the red light in the car hood that goes “vrrm vrrm”. The best part of the article: “Most of the buttons don’t do anything, Verhoek said. Nor can the car hold a conversation or drive itself.” Sadly, K.I.T.T. is not street-legal. Of course, if that turbo boost worked you could always out-run the cops.

So: if you could have one television prop, what would it be?

I procrastinated and didn’t make Eli’s yearly appointment the recommended four months ahead of time so instead of having his yearly check-up around his birthday in February, we had it today.

Going to the doctor’s office is actually one of my favorite places to go because it is there that I feel I can brag about how awesome my kid is and it is totally acceptable. (I mean I guess I can brag here as well and people who don’t get a kick out of it can read someone else’s blog, but I do actually try to keep it to a minimum.)

When we go, I am given this list of developmental questions to answer. He’s always done pretty well on these questions and the sheets are cleverly designed so you can check the side and see what age each developmental milestone is pegged to. Most of the time he is between 4-6 months ahead of schedule. That’s cool. It always does a mom’s heart good to see that her kid is doing above average. I try very hard to be honest and not fudge. It aggravates me for people to assume that their children are more exceptional than everybody else’s kid just because they managed to win that particular kid out of the gene pool lottery. And most kids even out over time so even the brightest children usually become regular (more average) adults. Stephen and I are very conscious that just because he may seem bright now, it doesn’t mean he won’t have issues in some area later. Being “smarter” doesn’t mean he’s “better.” With all that said as an introduction, this is what happened to us today…

Previously, the questionnaires have been stuff for me to answer based on my interactions with Eli. This time, many of the questions I had to ask him and fill in his responses. We completed the front page with all yes answers and so I flipped it over and started on the back. Usually we get the prescribed three ‘no’ answers pretty quickly on the back and then we are done, that’s roughly the six month mark.

Eli was pinging around the exam room like a pinball. Opening the sink cupboard, running his car over the exam table and the support beam underneath, sticking his hand in the trashcan, flipping the light switch on and off, playing with the roll of paper on the exam table, asking for a snack, another toy, another book, a drink of water and all of that was in the first five minutes. So needless to say he wasn’t exactly focused on the questions at hand.

The back side of the questionnaire were the more complex versions of the front side questions. I had to ask him, “What do you do when you are tired?” And write down his response, “Take a nap!” “Point to the thing that flies.” “Draw a straight line here.” And on and on. We didn’t answer no to a single question.

Here is the blatant mommy bragging moment. I had to stick my head out into the hall and ask for the next questionnaire, yes that’s right, the four-year old questionnaire. The nurse looked at me in either horror or disgust, I’m not sure which, and said we’d get that one next year. I wondered for a moment if she thought I was lying about needing the next one. I guess my finish-everything-you-start OCD is showing here, I thought I needed to go on to the next page. That meant I needed to ask for it. And frankly, I wanted to see how many of the four-year old questions he could answer.

The doctor was suitably impressed with Eli’s performance with those questions and the one’s he asked Eli himself. He told Eli he was as smart as a four-year old and Eli got this very odd look on his face that I’m still not quite sure how to interpret. He is a healthy, active three-year old that the doctor promised me would learn to go to the potty. He said and reiterated several times not to let the outside pressure get to me about potty training, that he’d do it in his own time.

I guess he thinks he’s so smart he can learn to control the urine with the power of his mind. I’ll keep you posted on the results of those experiments. And while I haven’t actually done any research on this topic, I’m pretty sure that even Einstein had to pee in the potty just like everybody else.

So everybody I know is pregnant. Ashley, Jessica, my optometrist, my dentist, and my OB/GYN (She just had her twins), another woman from our Sunday School Class (brings the current total in our class up to four), a friend from playgroup and three other moms from Eli’s Mom’s Morning Out Class. So when I say everybody, I’m not really exaggerating all that much. So naturally when we convene on Tuesday Nights, the talk often turns to pregnancy and related issues.

Last night was no different. Since Jessica is now 12 weeks pregnant and announcing it (you may remember her from this entry) we started talking about vomit. What you don’t want to eat and vomit and what actually isn’t bad to vomit back up. Amy asked why I hadn’t written about this. I realized that I hadn’t, mostly because I felt like it might be a bit too gross. Maybe it is and then again maybe it will be helpful to one of the 40 pregnant women I know.

So here now for yours (and Amy’s) perusal, here are two lists of things. One is for things that are not good to vomit and the other is for things ok to vomit. Feel free to add your experiences to the list.

Not Good
Grilled Cheese Sandwiches (too chunky!)
Vitamins (too bitter)
Spaghetti (too stringy)
Anything with fruit chunks in it
Omelet with onions in it
Chocolate Ice Cream

OK (Because ‘good’ in this context is just too far out of reach)
Orange Juice (tastes pretty much the same coming up as going down)
Honey Nut Cheerio Cereal Bars (very sweet)
Yeah, the list is short because let’s face it, vomiting is just gross.