It’s been a while since we’ve done a post about scary kids’ toys, long enough that you probably let your guard down.

FOOL.

Let me introduce you to Pig E Bank, from The Learning Company.

No matter how big he looks in that picture, in real life he’s twice as big. But his preternatural cheerfulness isn’t what makes him so scary. It’s his electronic voice and motorized movements.

And they brag about this in the ad copy!

This pleasantly plump pig helps your young financial planner identify coin values. Watch him shake, rattle and ask for more money. Just drop pennies, nickels, dimes and quarters into the slot, and Pig E Bank vibrates while identifying the coin denominations. Pig E Bank comes with many electronic voice responses to keep your child engaged. Features rubberized non-skid feet and a backside coin release – simply press his snout to cash out.

Eli calls this his “scary piggy bank”. That he will touch it at all is a testament to his nerves of steel. Really, the only way for you to fully grasp its amazingness, short of you coming to my house, playing with it, and then smashing it to bits with a hammer, is to watch this video.

RUN! HE’S COMING RIGHT AT YOU!