Here is the Lame You’ve Been Waiting For

Here’s the old vacuum:
Stephen wanted it to look really bad so he was all art-directing me to pull all the pieces out and make it look really pitiful. Frankly, I didn’t have to work that hard. The stuff you can’t see: the lever that raises and lowers the top piece has been broken forever, so if you pick it up, (and you have to pick it up because the piece is broken so you can’t tilt it back to roll it anywhere) the bottom flops drunkenly. The whole thing weighs a ton, by the way. The cord winder has been broken since just after we moved to this house, five years ago. And also, the vacuum doesn’t suck up dirt any longer. But hey, it’s had one belt change in 13 years. It’s been well worth the $200 my aunt paid for it when we got married.

Here’s the new vac and it’s called The Boss:
I thought I was going to get a Dyson. Everyone said, “Get a Dyson!” The commercials were telling me, “Get a Dyson! It’s the only vacuum on the market that has any suction at all!” I was seduced by marketing. I told Stephen in a slightly Stepford way that we should look at getting a Dyson. Stephen, of course, rolled his eyes at all this marketing hocus-pocus. He read the Consumer Reports on vacuums and told me to look at the top three or four. Dyson wasn’t even in that top tier. This Eureka was the middle of the pack as far as cost goes but rated high in most of their tests and had many good customer comments. It’s much quieter than the old vac and I’m pretty sure that if I were to put the hose in my mouth it would suck the fillings out of my teeth. The best part: the sticker on the vacuum says 60% more suction than a Dyson at half the price. Needless to say, I’m pretty dang happy with my new appliance.

12 thoughts on “Here is the Lame You’ve Been Waiting For

  1. Yeah, Dyson’s done a great job with the marketing in those commercials. If you listen closely, what he says is that the Dyson’s big innovation is that doesn’t lose suction.

    Actually, I’ve heard from at least one owner that it works quite well. For its price premium over other vacuums, though, it ought to be able to rid my two cats of all their loose fur from a distance of 30 yards. 🙂

    I remember seeing its poor placing in the Consumer Reports list and being surprised… then not so surprised once I thought about it.

    I also seem to remember that CR had not-so-good things to say about that other vacuum you see in commercials all the time. You know the one. It only weighs 8 pounds, and some big percentage of hotels use it. More marketing gimmicks. 🙂

  2. I don’t know about Dyson, but my mom bought a Kirby when I was 11. I’m 28 now, so that’s 17 years?

    It’s awesome. It’s burned a couple of belts but it’s still going strong. It also has all sorts of nifty attachments, like a bubble blower, inflater, shampooer, gatling gun, drapery cleaner, toilet flusher, cat punishator etc. etc.

    Well, some of those may not be real options. But since I can’t afford a Kirby (2k plus CAD dollars) then I’d be happy with that one you’ve got the big ol’ picture up of.

    Feel free to send it along to me. I’ll email you my shipping details. 😉

  3. Jeff, the first: I’d like to know what Dyson considers the lifetime of their vac. All I know is that when I looked at the pet hair section of Consumer Reports, Dyson only did so so in the test. I know we have friends that have Dysons (Hi! Jessica and Kat) and I know that they love them their Dysons and both have cats/dogs at their houses so I guess it all just comes down to personal preference. Also, I am cheap. Don’t get me wrong, I am still in love with the shiny-shiny on the Dyson and their marketing still has me half convinced that I made the wrong choice.

    Joyous: Are you just jealous cause you didn’t think of taking a photo of your fridge first? 😉

    Dan: It is possible to have appliance envy. I want a front loading washer and dryer so bad I’ve even contemplated sabotaging the 11 year old Kenmores we have to accomplish my desires. But sadly, I am not mechanically inclined enough.

    Jeff, the second: The Boss cost $140 US that’s what, like, $12 Canadian? It’d cost me more than that to ship it to you. 😉

  4. Picture of a new vacuum is not as exciting to us Mumsy’s as new pictures of the grandkids! But none the less, I am happy about the vacuum for when I might have to use it again. Love to all.

  5. Plus, Jeff, if we sent you the vacuum cleaner, you’d want to use it. And that’d just wake up Dylan. See, we’re not sending it to you because we have your best interests at heart.

  6. Actually, Misty, I woke up last night with a strong urge to sneak downstairs and take a picture of the fridge just for you. 😉

  7. I will have to say that I really like our Dyson, and it does a good job with our two furballs that are here in the house. However, I probably would not have purchased it had I not been working at the big blue box store with yellow lettering that people shop at (no not IKEA, I have no desire to put together my own vacuum).

    It is an expensive piece of kit, but for as long as we have had it I would say that very little has gone wrong, and I like the fact that it has no consumables and a good design.

  8. Okay, since I got harassed about not commenting (and for your information, I was actually on travel ;)), I love our Dyson. No, Consumer Reports didn’t rate it that well. Honestly, though, most of the appliances we’ve purchased have not been rated well by CR and the few that we have purchased that were rated well have been some of our least favorites (our old dishwasher in HSV, for example). Not to say, that CR is bad, but as stated, appliances eventually come down to preferences.
    I love our Dyson for one main reason, it sucks up cat hair unlike any vacuum I’ve owned before and with two furballs in our house that shed like no one believes, that’s what really counts for me. It’s also still going very strong after 6 years of ownership. *steps off of soapbox*

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