“We’re going to the gardens, but don’t roll around in the sand.”
“Noodles go in your mouth, but your plastic snake doesn’t.”
“No shrieking while dad’s on the phone.”
“Sure, grab some pretzels from the pantry while we sleep in.”
“If you’re going to squash your sister, do it gently.”
“Get off the couch with your peanut butter hands!”
“Don’t wake us up from our nap, just go play on the computer.”
“Don’t carry the dog ball around in your mouth.”
“Dad’s underwear doesn’t go on your head.”
“Please, just let me go to the bathroom by myself.”
The joys of parenthood are often countless.
i can identify with some of these. parenthood…ain’t it grand!
Yup. I think all of those phrases have been said by us as well. Either exactly, or close-enough to it.
One of my household favorites is, “If you’ll quit stomping on the cat, then he won’t scratch you.”
Nice collection. I’ve started making Z walk from the dinner table to the bathroom sink with his hands in the air, like I caught him robbing a bank. It’s usually interspersed with things like “No! Don’t put your filthy hands on that! Don’t stop to pet the cat!”
My parents also made rule #3. It worked really well when I came home bleeding from a run-in with a fire hydrant.
Aleph-null or Aleph-one?
When we stayed with Mary, it was “No, Z, that’s dangerous. Go play with the chainsaw.”
*snicker* I can picture a perfect scenario for each one of these “rules” 🙂
“Please keep the horseradish away from your vagina.” — said to my naked 2 year old as she ate horseradish while fingering herself.
/anon because I don’t want to scar her for life once she finds out about google.
This morning – “Don’t poke your sister’s eyes out,” as Phoebe was pointing Sophie’s facial features out to her. “Nose! Mouth! Eyes!…”
Oh, gosh, yes. We get a lot of “Don’t stick that in your sister’s mouth/eyes/ears!”
That too, I’m sure. Phoebe has tried to “share” her food with Sophie well before Sophie could even eat baby food, much less whatever the toddler was eating…
1. You are allowed to cry if you are hurt, scared or lost; you are not allowed to cry because you didn’t get your way.
2. If company is coming over, you at least have to wear underpants.
#2 is hilarious.
#2 is a rule I have to have with my husband…
Just in case you haven’t seen it, Lamentations of the Father by Ian Frazier:
http://www.theatlantic.com/issues/97feb/frazier/frazier.htm
Oh my goodness. I had not seen Lamentations of the Father, and it’s brilliant.