Rules I Never Expected to Make

“We’re going to the gardens, but don’t roll around in the sand.”

“Noodles go in your mouth, but your plastic snake doesn’t.”

“No shrieking while dad’s on the phone.”

“Sure, grab some pretzels from the pantry while we sleep in.”

“If you’re going to squash your sister, do it gently.”

“Get off the couch with your peanut butter hands!”

“Don’t wake us up from our nap, just go play on the computer.”

“Don’t carry the dog ball around in your mouth.”

“Dad’s underwear doesn’t go on your head.”

“Please, just let me go to the bathroom by myself.”

The joys of parenthood are often countless.

16 thoughts on “Rules I Never Expected to Make

  1. Yup. I think all of those phrases have been said by us as well. Either exactly, or close-enough to it.

    One of my household favorites is, “If you’ll quit stomping on the cat, then he won’t scratch you.”

  2. Nice collection. I’ve started making Z walk from the dinner table to the bathroom sink with his hands in the air, like I caught him robbing a bank. It’s usually interspersed with things like “No! Don’t put your filthy hands on that! Don’t stop to pet the cat!”

  3. “Please keep the horseradish away from your vagina.” — said to my naked 2 year old as she ate horseradish while fingering herself.

    /anon because I don’t want to scar her for life once she finds out about google.

  4. This morning – “Don’t poke your sister’s eyes out,” as Phoebe was pointing Sophie’s facial features out to her. “Nose! Mouth! Eyes!…”

  5. That too, I’m sure. Phoebe has tried to “share” her food with Sophie well before Sophie could even eat baby food, much less whatever the toddler was eating…

  6. 1. You are allowed to cry if you are hurt, scared or lost; you are not allowed to cry because you didn’t get your way.
    2. If company is coming over, you at least have to wear underpants.

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