this one is for the ladies

i realized that my plan to rent myself out to single men is limiting my customer base and as any economist will tell you that is silly unless you are a dot com in which case here have a suitcase of cash. anyway i should be renting myself out to single women as well. imagine that there is this creepy guy at work who hits on you and will not take no for an answer, you rent me and we go to work and you swing me around and play with me next to his office or cube or whatever. he will think you have a kid and will run away from you. if he is too persistent and asks something like ‘i did not know you have a kid’ you can say ‘oh no this is not my kid but i love kids and cannot wait to have three or four of them with the man of my dreams, of course he will stay home with them, here do you want to hold him, his name is eli’ and you will hand me to him and i will smile and then spit up on him.

if that does not work i will also give him cold germs.

6 thoughts on “this one is for the ladies

  1. That might work!

    And if you’re looking to expand your horizons, you could rent yourself out to people who are planning to have kids so that they can “test drive”. You could play with all their stuff!

  2. In my family, it was quite common for little tykes to be passed around when they weren’t wearing diapers, so “accidents” were not uncommon. Maybe you can incorporate “accidents” instead of spit-ups as part of your services!

  3. this is yet a third avenue for money making./ thank you./

    i know one fan who is thinking about the kid thing because every time i get near her i can her her going tick tick tick.

    i mean that literally, not the fake ‘literally’ people use when they say things like ‘he was literally climbing the walls.’

Comments are closed.